Frosting

Caution: this is a story about female sexuality so please stop reading if you are offended by such things and are likely to flame me. It’s my birthday today and I don’t want to be flamed.

At a lovely wedding recently, after several glasses of Indiana wine, the topic turned to sex. I told the story of a friend (protecting your anonymity, don’t worry, my dear) who complained to me about her lack of libido. She has small children, has been married more than a decade – perhaps you are familiar with that particular story.

I asked her if she comes easily when she has sex. I sometimes ask fairly direct questions, if you can imagine. She replied, “Occasionally, but it takes so much time and effort – I’d much rather just go to sleep.”

“Do you know Wanda?” I asked. Everyone knows Wanda, right?

“Wanda?”

“The Hitachi Magic Wand. You don’t have one? Oh for crying out loud, let me change your life,” I said. Later that day, I dropped a Wanda – still in her box, mind you – off at my friend’s house.

Several days later, my friend called out to me, a big smile on her face, “(My husband) says thank you!” I’ll have to get the details, which I won’t be writing about.

According to Planned Parenthood, 80 percent of women don’t come during vaginal intercourse alone – 30 percent of women have trouble getting there during sex in all its flavors – 10 percent never do. So if this story rings a bell for you, you’re in good company.

In my opinion, the purpose of sex once you’re no longer interested in making babies is to come. Both partners. Sure it’s about connection and intimacy and can be as funny as hell, but sex without orgasm is like chocolate cake without frosting – okay, but kind of dry.  And who wants just one orgasm? I’m talking about lapping your (male) partner at least once.

If one in three women seldom come – that’s a lot of boring sex out there. Or maybe not very much sex at all.

As I was telling this story at the wedding, my partner shaking his head, a friend sitting at the table said he should ask his wife to call me.

Maybe I’ll change her life, too.